Over the Edge
by Hannurdock
Summary: After Vince OD's, Stuart is left with bitter memories.


1 Over the Edge  
  
1.1 By Hannurdock  
  
  
  
Stuart watched the monitors behind Vince bleep slowly in tune to his erratic heartbeat. He ran a slender hand along Vince's clammy forehead.  
  
If only ...  
  
If only, he had listened more. If only he hadn't had that shag.  
  
If only he could turn things back, start anew.  
  
It was too late for that. His friend, once supportive and humorous now lay in a self-inflicted coma. Stuart ran his fingers further down toward the tightly bound wrists. Wrapped in bandage, after bandage, Vince's soft skin torn by a razor's unforgiving edge.  
  
Stuart let his mind drift back to the night he had made a mistake. A mistake for which he would curse himself for the rest of his life.  
  
  
  
* F * L * A * S * H * B * A * C * K *  
  
Saturday night. Babylon was heaving.  
  
Stuart and Vince wormed their way through the ever-expanding crowd, past the dance floor, to the table where Alex was seated. He was alone, smoking a cigarette, and looking generally mournful and withdrawn.  
  
"Hey, Alex!" Vince said cheerfully, sitting beside his gloomy friend. "What's up? Supermarket change your hours again? Are you back to the late night shift?"  
  
"Personal problems" Alex mumbled. He looked into the murky depths of his beer and decided not to say anything more. "My parents, its always my parents".  
  
Vince looked at Stuart who merely shrugged his shoulders.  
  
"Have a good shag tonight" Stuart said as if sex resolved everything "It'll take your mind off it".  
  
"Its alright, Alex" Vince softly said. "You'll see. Everything will be fine".  
  
Alex smiled sadly and excused himself in his own delicate style, and left for the toilets. Probably to have a good cry.  
  
"Its really sad" Vince said, his voice quivering slightly with emotion.  
  
"Yeah" Stuart turned to Vince "So, what did you want to tell me?"  
  
Vince looked away shyly. He smiled to himself. "Its nothing".  
  
Stuart looked around himself and his predatorial gaze fell upon a hunky body-builder drinking water. The man was lazily slouched upon the railing above the dance floor. Licking his lips, Stuart patted Vince on the shoulder.  
  
"Tell me about it later, maybe tomorrow. Look at that! Think I'll have him?"  
  
Vince blushed a little and seemed on the verge of saying something to Stuart. However, the words never left his lips. He smiled sadly and turned away. "I know you will. You have everyone you want".  
  
Stuart grinned. "That's right!"  
  
For a moment, Vince looked overwhelmingly sad. He seemed desperate, as if he wanted to say something more to Stuart.  
  
"You okay, Vince?" Stuart asked, concerned.  
  
"Sure" Vince lied, his voice breaking a little.  
  
Kissing Vince on the cheek, Stuart made his way to his one night stand. He was oblivious to the pain-filled eyes following him as he danced erotically with Barry the Body Builder. He didn't see Vince leave the club. He saw Alex glumly sitting on his own once more and forgot about them both in an instant.  
  
He had pulled a shag, and he wasn't going to let it go.  
  
* E * N * D * * * O * F * * * F * L * A * S * H * B * A * C * K *  
  
  
  
Vince's chest moved up and down with the rhythm of his breathing. Stuart watched the gentle motion, his own chest constricting with tenderness. Never had Vince seemed more vulnerable, more in need of comfort. Never had he himself felt so helpless, so unable to be the strong Stuart that Vince had always depended on.  
  
He curled his hand into a fist and smacked the palm of his hand in a rage.  
  
Vince had always been so cowardly when he needed something. He hated to ask Stuart anything, he preferred to work his problems out on his own. This had caused Vince's suicide attempt, his fear of asking Stuart for help when he needed it. Hazel had just told Stuart, in between sobs, of the financial trouble Vince was suffering. He had barely enough to cover his flat, so why hadn't he asked Stuart for some money? Stuart would have given Vince anything, without question. Even a good fuck if he really needed it.  
  
Maybe that was what Vince was trying to tell Stuart that night. If only he had listened and not gone with Barry. If only .....  
  
  
  
* F * L * A * S * H * B * A * C * K *  
  
The best fuck yet.  
  
Stuart turned and stared at Barry, lying naked above the sheets. His body was still tingling from the warmth of sex, his groin still throbbing with the memories.  
  
Suddenly, Stuart remembered Vince.  
  
He hadn't seen him leave the club.  
  
Picking up his mobile phone from the table, Stuart switched the phone on, and rang Vince's mobile number. After twelve rings, he was diverted to Vince's voicemail. He left a brief message and switched off the phone.  
  
After five minutes, he was sound asleep.  
  
  
  
****  
  
  
  
The next morning, Stuart was awake before Barry, and was showered and dressed before Barry even opened his eyes. He had always been an early riser, no matter how late he had partied or fucked the night before.  
  
Walking over to his land phone, Stuart noticed the message light was on. He looked at the number on the small screen and was amazed to see more than thirteen messages flashing away at him. He pushed the voicemail button and listened to the messages, his face paling as each message ended.  
  
"Stuart, this is *sob* Hazel. It's Vince. Something bad has happened. Ring me".  
  
"If you're there, pick up the phone! It's Alex! Vince is in hospital! Where the fuck are you?"  
  
"*Sniff* I've tried your mobile Stuart. It's Hazel. Please call me soon. Please".  
  
"Its Hazel again. *Sob* Please call me! They don't know if he's going to make it through the night. Please call me, please".  
  
"Its Alex, I tried coming round to your house but you weren't answering. Where the fuck are you Stuart? Vince needs you now you bastard! I'll keep phoning until you fucking answer the bastard telephone ... you bastard!"  
  
"*Sob* ....."  
  
"Its Hazel, he's stabilised, but they aren't sure whether he'll make it yet. Ring when you can".  
  
Stuart clamped a hand over his mouth in horror as the messages continued. He rushed over to his mobile phone, running into Barry accidentally. He turned on the phone and turned ashen once again when he saw the messages flashing at him.  
  
Without another moment, Stuart phoned Hazel. He grabbed his jacket and keys and left the flat without a word to Barry. He didn't care if he were leaving his house to Scotland Yard's uncaught thief of the century. He had to get to Vince. He just had to.  
  
* E * N * D * * * O * F * * * F * L * A * S * H * B * A * C * K *  
  
  
  
"Stuart ....?"  
  
Stuart looked up, startled.  
  
"Hazel, how are you?"  
  
"Scared. How are you?"  
  
"I'm such a fucking bastard".  
  
"Bullshit".  
  
"Its true".  
  
Stuart ran his fingers along Vince's left hand. He held the hand in his own, sighing softly.  
  
"He wanted to tell me something, Hazel. Something important. Maybe he was going to ask me to help him out, but I didn't listen. I saw a potential fuck and I was off".  
  
"Are you sure you want to read this?" Hazel held the small letter, unopened, towards Stuart.  
  
He grabbed the small letter and smiled sadly. "He wrote this?"  
  
Hazel nodded sadly. "I guess he had some unfinished things to say to you".  
  
Stuart read the handwriting on the envelope. "It says, 'Open this only if I am dead'. Christ! Does he think I'm not going to read it?"  
  
Hazel looked away, tears forming in her eyes.  
  
"Can I have a moment alone with him, while I read this?" Stuart asked softly.  
  
Hazel nodded and left the room to keep Alex company in the waiting area.  
  
Stuart tore open the envelope and read the letter with a shaking hand.  
  
  
  
Stuart,  
  
By now you are probably thinking I'm a sad bastard for doing this. I'm sorry to leave you, but I have moved on to greener pastures (so to speak) and I am going to be much happier where I am heading.  
  
I have so much to say to you, and not much time to say it. I don't really know where to begin. Maybe I should say that I love you. As a friend, and I have always secretly fancied you although my cowardice has always prevented me from expressing my true feelings and emotions when I am near you. I tend to clam up, become scared, and shrink within myself.  
  
I wish I could have said this to your face. But, I couldn't have faced you rejecting me. I know you couldn't possibly want me, Vince Tyler, and I couldn't face that.  
  
Then there is the matter of my finances. I know you will hate me for not telling you about that. You've always told me if there was any trouble like this that I found myself in, you'd be the first to help me. For my silence I am sorry. You won't forgive me, I know. I couldn't find the courage to face you. To let you know I was in such trouble, and so worried.  
  
The only regret I have now is that we never finished that wank. To have loved you once, to have felt you against me skin-to-skin has always been my dream, my fantasy. Of course, I know this could have never been between us, but please keep in your memories that I loved you. That I love you still, wherever I am now.  
  
Sixteen years. I've fancied someone for sixteen years. I'm so sorry I never told you, and hope in time you will forgive me.  
  
With love always,  
  
Vince  
  
  
  
Stuart was shaking as he finished reading the letter. He looked toward Vince. "Bastard!"  
  
Then he broke down into tears.  
  
  
  
****  
  
  
  
Vince stirred slightly.  
  
His eyes opened weakly, seeing the bright light above him of an overhead lamp and squinting his eyes accordingly. He tried to moan, his head was absolutely killing him, but all he could manage was a slight squeak. Vince's throat was dry, and sounds were indistinct, muffled.  
  
Vince's hearing sharpened, and he became aware of many voices around him. Among them were his mother's voice, Alex's voice and ..... Stuart's voice.  
  
Suddenly Vince panicked. The letter! He had revealed everything about his feelings and problems and was horrified by the thought that Stuart had probably read it. He thrashed wildly, wondering why he was still alive, he felt strong arms grip him and a body lye over his own.  
  
"Christ's sake, Vince! Calm down!" Stuart cried.  
  
Vince only struggled all the more. He felt, with shame, his own erection as Stuart pressed down upon him to stop him from hurting himself. Overwhelmed with horror, Vince summoned more strength, but could not dislodge Stuart from above him. His penis throbbed painfully as he struggled and the friction caused him to orgasm violently. Stuart concealed the secret protectively as he shushed and calmed Vince, knowing the orgasm had been shielded from all eyes by his own body.  
  
"Calm down Vince, its going to be alright" Stuart promised.  
  
For the first time in his life, he wasn't thinking about himself. It felt good, this concern for another. He began to wonder if going out with someone was such a bad thing. After all, he loved Vince. More than friendship. It had always been there, the smallest measure of sexuality between them. Maybe it could be heightened, maybe it could become stronger.  
  
"Did you read it?" Vince said softly. His voice was miserable and self- depreciating. He looked shamed and overcome with fear.  
  
Stuart moved off Vince a little, he looked into Vince's deep blue eyes and smiled softly. "Of course, you twat! You think I wasn't going to read it?"  
  
Vince couldn't stop the tears from coming to his eyes. He was humiliated that he had just come underneath Stuart.  
  
"I'm sorry ...." Vince began, but Stuart put a hand gently over his mouth and shook his head.  
  
"Don't you dare. Don't you dare say you're sorry! Christ! Couldn't you have just told me? Why all this ... why the drama! Your getting as bad as Alex".  
  
"Hey!" Alex shouted.  
  
Stuart looked up and saw a mixture of confusion and relief on the faces of all present. Alex. Hazel. The doctors and nurses.  
  
Vince was shaking with sadness, his shoulders trembling as he held onto Stuart. He felt helpless, lost. Yet he also felt safe and secure. As if Stuart were protecting him, shielding him from all present.  
  
"Can we have a moment alone?" Stuart asked softly to all present.  
  
As the room cleared, Stuart carefully moved away from Vince and sat beside him. His hand gently stroked Vince's forehead.  
  
The door closed.  
  
Vince and Stuart were alone.  
  
Without a word of warning, Stuart suddenly bent towards Vince and kissed him passionately upon the lips. As intimate as a lover, his tongue delved into the other mouth, seeking out Vince's tongue and playing with it. Vince tried to pull back, but Stuart held him firmly.  
  
Then, Stuart drew back.  
  
"What did you think I would think when I read your letter?" Stuart asked calmly.  
  
Vince was dying of humiliation. He turned his head away, his hands clenched the bed sheets. He shook his head miserably. "I don't know".  
  
Stuart sighed and looked away. He couldn't force Vince to talk to him, he was too vulnerable to approach harshly. "You know, I do love you Vince".  
  
Vince turned and looked at Stuart. His eyes bright with unshed tears.  
  
Stuart continued bravely. "I love you, and would like to give it a chance. Y'know, boyfriends and all that. Its up to you".  
  
Vince felt like his heart was about to explode. He had never expected this, that Stuart wanted him. It all felt like a dream. Stuart couldn't really want him. Maybe he was just being nice to him, humouring him, pitying him. Suddenly, Vince wished he had died.  
  
"I'm not just saying that because you tried to kill yourself" Stuart continued softly, as if he could read Vince's thoughts of self- depreciation. "I do love you, not because I feel sorry for you. What do you think?"  
  
Vince couldn't believe this. His whole world had abruptly turned upside- down. However, his heart was pounding furiously and he suddenly felt excited about the future. His future. With Stuart.  
  
"I love you too" Vince confessed softly, his nerves causing him to stammer the words. But he said them, and he meant them too. "I want to give it a go".  
  
Stuart laughed. "Sorted, then!"  
  
The door opened suddenly, and Hazel risked a peek into the room. She walked in, smiling, as she saw Vince and Stuart so close, holding hands.  
  
"Everything okay in here?" Hazel asked.  
  
Stuart smiled at her and kissed Vince's hand. "My boyfriend is fine".  
  
Hazel couldn't help but laugh as the tears came into her eyes. She grinned happily and left the room, closing the door behind her.  
  
"What happens now?" Vince asked Stuart.  
  
Stuart grinned. A predatory grin. He leaned closer to Vince and whispered in his ear. "Now, I'm going to fuck you .....".  
  
  
  
1.1.1 THE END  
  
(Expect a sequel!) 


End file.
